


Puns on Naboo

by Lifeoflemoon



Series: Clone Trooper Puns [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Battlefront (Video Games), Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka meets Puns, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Battle, Cody is just dealing, Comedy, Drabble, Fluff, Fun, Gen, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Break, Planet Naboo (Star Wars), Rex needs a break, Sassy Obi-Wan Kenobi, adaptation from video game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27966137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lifeoflemoon/pseuds/Lifeoflemoon
Summary: Naboo has been attacked by the Separatists with Asajj at the lead. The 212th and 501st are sent to kick the enemy off planet. Chaos ensues, because chaos is what follows these men around.Trooper Puns is often in the thick of it.Once again, nobody knows how to deal with him. But they have fun anyway. Or at least, Obi-Wan has fun.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex, CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Series: Clone Trooper Puns [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858885
Comments: 25
Kudos: 70





	Puns on Naboo

Puns on Naboo

“Okay, okay,” Puns reasons, “But how’d they make it to Naboo?”

A brother shrugs, polishing his gun. Nobody else is paying attention.

“Isn’t anybody else concerned the Separatists have made it to the planet the Chancellor is from?” Puns stresses, “Like, you’d think it would be much better protected, if not just on principle. Right?”

A few brothers trade glances. Waxer gives Puns an “I guess” look.

“Right?” He tries again. The Commander even leaves the room. Hmm. Fine.

“Look, Puns, we just work here,” Crys says.

“Great,” Puns mutters, “Let’s go save another planet.”

Almost immediately Puns gets lost. Which damn, that’s impressive. Even for him. He, like, just left the drop ships. Walked around a building. And poof. Lost.

It’s a wonder that his brothers keep leaving him alone.

He sees her from across the street.

“Oh no, it’s the evil witch woman,” Puns whispers.

“Oh yes, my dear. I’m surprised to see you again. I thought the droids took care of you on Kamino.”

Puns tilts his head, “Took care of me? Not really.”

“Don’t worry,” Ventress smirks, “I’ll take care of you.”

Puns wheezes, “I am very uncomfortable.”

“Ventress! Let the man be! I’m sure I can keep you much more entertained!”

Puns takes a deep replenishing breath when the General appears, “Oh, thank the stars.”

He’ll let them duke out. There is way too much tension here.

“Ah!” Puns shrieks. These lightsaber people move all over the place! He just jumped out of the way of a red lightsaber, a little too close for comfort.

“Puns, you may want to step back.” The General force pushes Puns away. Puns stumbles back and falls over in a heap.

The General winces, “Oh dear.”

“Kenobi, getting a little rough with your men, aren’t you?” The sith assassin purrs.

“Stars! Just let me leave!” Puns hollers, and scrambles to his feet, “And you can get back to ‘fighting’ or whatever this is!”

Let him be! They are following him! He can even see the small smile on the General’s face!

“Don’t you want to join us, my dear?” Ventress taunts.

“No!”

Ironically, Puns is saved by a droideka destroyer that ran him over—more like took him for a ride.

He gets off the first stop (falling down some stairs) and pays his unexpected taxi with a blaster bolt.

Puns tosses his binoculars back and forth in his hands and brings them back to his face.

Everything is green again.

“Wow,” He whispers, “I’ll never get used to this.”

He sees some brothers.

“Oh, thank the Maker.”

Immediately, a brother gives him something.

“Here, have a grenade.”

Puns swings his rifle on the strap, letting it hang down his back. He cradles the grenade preciously, like an egg.

“Great stars, what power have you given me.”

“Do you remember how to use it?” Crys asks, suddenly cautious.

Puns looks back up at his brother. He starts to give it back.

“No.”

“Puns, throw it!”

Puns reels back.

“HAHA, YEET!”

The explosion is glorious.

“You’ve got a good arm, Puns!” Crys comments.

“Yes, in fact it is a great arm—does its arm duty very well,” Puns nods and salutes, “Ten out of ten on the consumer report.”

Crys nods slowly, “That’s… great?”

“What kind of battle cry was that? ‘Yeet’?” Boil asks, incredulous.

“It’s not a battle cry. Don’t worry about it.”

Crys hands him a different bomb.

“I think this will suit you better.”

Puns stares at him, cradling an orb once again. His eyebrows are raised in surprise, but no one can see that behind the bucket.

“You’re giving me more explosives?” He asks, skeptical.

Crys pats his hands, “No, of course not. It’s a smoke bomb.”

“Ah, yes, okay. I can do that,” Puns nods.

“Trapper, wait. Lift your arm,” Puns asks.

Confused, Trapper lifts his arm.

Puns punches him in the armpit.

“Ow—?” Trapper exclaims.

“Do you have to poop?”

“No?” Trapper answers, even more confused and a bit upset.

“One day,” Puns vows, fist to the sky, “One day it will work.”

Puns waits on the rooftop looking down. A giant cloud explodes to his left and he slowly turns to look.

“Huh,” He does a double take, “Is that a lizard man?”

“I hate this lizard man!” Puns shrieks.

The lizard man is shooting at him and trying to gas him. And not in the fun Felucia-flower way. Puns runs and weaves an unpredictable path through the battlefield. Even he doesn’t know where he’s gonna leap next.

“Stay away from me!” He shouts.

“Sssstop moving!” The lizard man hisses.

“Ha ha! Nope! I choose life!”

The 212th marches.

And there’s a darn bug that keeps flying around Puns and he would like it to stop.

He swats at it and stumbles into Waxer.

“Puns, calm down,” Waxer grumbles.

“I’m in crisis!” Puns whispers.

Waxer sighs, but keeps moving, leaving Puns to his crisis. Rude.

The bug flies right past his face.

The bug tripped him—Puns swears it did!

“There’s a bug!” Puns whispers at Waxer, who’s nice enough to help him up, “It tripped me!”

“Stop worrying about an insect, I think we have more important things to worry about right now!” Waxer whispers back.

“Like what? The possibility that an insect has the will and the capability to knock over a grown man?”

Waxer tilts his head in confusion, “How about war? Let’s worry about war.”

It’s taunting him, this bug. It’s on the tip of his rifle, he could probably kill it with a shot. Just any shot!

But the battalion is in stealth mode, sneaking to meet up with the 501st. Setting off a shot now would alert the enemy.

So, Puns screams in silence.

Then, the worst happens. The bug lands on the General’s shoulder.

“Uh, General?”

The General pauses, “What is it, Puns?”

Puns opens his mouth, but the bug flies away.

He closes his mouth, and the General looks so confused. Puns gives him a thumbs up.

“Never mind—don’t worry about it. You’re doing great out there.”

“Thank you, Puns,” The General says slowly, “That’s very kind.”

Puns salutes, “Anytime, General.”

The bug is back, on the General’s shoulder and Puns wants to scream, energy bundled trying to escape.

This bug, why, it’s going to drive him crazy.

The General turns to glance at him, wary.

Probably can feel him in the force.

“Puns, are you alright? You seem tense.”

Puns stares straight at the bug.

“Puns?”

Boil smacks him in the shoulder, “Pay attention!”

Puns turns to look at his brother, incredulous.

“How?” He breathes.

Boil doesn’t know how to answer that.

Puns figures it out. Waving a leaf at the General’s back isn’t too distracting… right?

Boil slaps the leaf out of his hand, “Cut it out!”

“The bug?”

“What?”

“The leaf?”

“What are you talking about?” Boil is so confused.

“’Cut it out’ of what? I’m not going anywhere near the General with a sharp object—one of us would get hurt and my money would not be on the beautiful magic man.”

Once again, Boil doesn’t know how to answer that.

Luckily, the violent movement of Boil and the leaf caused the bug to fly away.

Good riddance. Puns hopes he will never have to see it again.

“Puns! It’s just a light fly! Get back here!” The General hisses.

“Yes, General!”

“Don’t worry about the light fly, Puns,” The General admonishes, “Focus.”

Puns wiggles in place, “I’m so focused,” He says to the bug, sitting a little too high on a wall.

“Just like the flowers on Felucia…,” The General mutters. He wipes a hand across his bearded face.

Probably to keep the bugs off.

The bug lands on a battle droid.

Puns looks to the General, the hope somehow conveyed very clearly on the helmet.

The General sighs, “Go for it, Puns.”

Puns looks back to the droid.

“Perfect,” He whispers.

The droid goes down in sparks.

The light fly flutters away into the sky.

He missed the bug.

The Commander turns to look at him, “You missed?”

“I felt bad.”

The Commander shakes his head.

The General smiles under the hand on his face.

They meet up with the 501st and both battalions are waiting patiently for the battle to start while the Generals trade barbs with Ventress, who stands perfectly perched upon a building. The droids stand in waiting just behind her.

Puns sighs wistfully.

“They really needed to get it out their systems.” Commander Tano suddenly appears, “Verbal sparring with Ventress, I mean”

Puns jumps and then acknowledges the statement, “Again?”

Commander Tano raises her brows. Puns smiles, the look reminds him of the General.

“Skyguy hasn’t seen Ventress this battle yet.”

Puns points at his General, “But my general has.”

Commander Tano frowns and crosses her arms, “He has way too much fun.”

Puns laughs, “Lucky bastard.”

Commander Tano chokes.

“It’s a graceful death, I suppose. Ventress,” Puns comments.

“Do you like her?” Commander Tano seems interested in conversing with him. Who is he to deny her?

“Absolutely not. She’s terrifying.”

“A Jedi does not feel fear,” Commander Tano quotes.

“Yeah, well, a Jedi should feel caution,” Puns rants. He huffs, “Dum Dum.”

Commander Tano raises a brow, “Did you just call me a ‘Dum Dum’?”

“Yes,” Puns asserts, looking towards the sky, “No regrets.”

Commander Tano remains confused. Fives doubles over next to her. Maybe he swallowed a bug.

Puns gets lost. Although this time, he brought the Captain of the 501st with him. The Captain is not amused with his directional talent.

They make a decent team though. The Captain has two short-range pistols and Puns has a high-velocity long-distance sniper rifle.

The Captain does the bang-bang and Puns does the snap-BOOM.

“No trooper, this way!” The Captain orders.

Puns is staring at a bush littered with Light flies, “But—”

“This is why you get lost!” The Captain shouts.

Puns pouts. He’s right but… he’s sensitive, ya know?

“Your name is Puns, right?”

Puns perks up, “Yup yup, how’d you know?”

The Captain tilts his helmet at him. The Jaig eyes are staring into his soul…

“It’s not hard to figure out,” He grunts.

Puns frowns. Really? He hasn’t even said any…

“Fives still gives me a hard time.”

Puns nods. Reasonable.

The lizard man finds them, and Puns is terrified. It hisses at them from across the street and Puns screams. The Captain slaps him in the shoulder. Puns screams again.

“Get it together, trooper!” The captain shouts. He only has one blaster right now (who knows what happened to the other one).

“The hunt isss at an end, clonesss,” The lizard man rasps.

The Captain tackles Puns to the ground.

Somehow the smoke bomb goes off and droids show up, and it’s just chaos. Puns made shot after shot and by the time the smoke cleared, the droids were nothing but scrap.

But the lizard man was still in the way, between him and the good Captain who seems to have lost his last pistol in their fight.

Puns raises his rifle at the Lizard man. It stutters.

Oh no, it’s overheated.

The lizard man takes aim at the Captain and Puns moves before the decision is made.

He swings his prized rifle with both hands and smashes it against the lizard man’s scaled reptilian head in a home run worthy swing. The impact cracks the rifle in half and the lizard man crumples to the ground.

Unconscious.

Puns looks down at the body.

“Oops.”

The Captain stares.

Bonus:

_Before the Battle of Naboo_

“General, may I have a word?” Cody asks.

“Of course, Cody, what is it?” Obi-Wan replies, looking at the mission briefing on a datapad.

“Puns was talking,” Cody states.

Obi-Wan puts the datapad down, “Oh?”

_After the Battle of Naboo_

“I broke it,” Puns says, holding two halves of his prized rifle, “I’m sorry, Commander.”

The Commander places a hand on his shoulder, “It’s alright, Puns. We’ll get you another.”

Puns smiles, joy bright on his face.

The Commander sighs.

The General fondly shakes his head.

Rex gestures at Puns, “That is the most competent idiot I have ever seen.”

Cody snorts, “Don’t I know it.”

Rex shakes his head, “If he wasn’t such a good sniper, he shouldn’t even be here.”

Cody pauses, “You’ve seen him in the field. He’s braver than he acts.”

Rex frowns, “I guess you’re right.”

“Do you think he meant to save 99 on Kamino?” Rex suddenly asks.

Cody looks at his brother and shrugs, “Are you asking me because you don’t want to believe it?”

Rex scowls. Cody raises a brow.

Cody has been spending way too much time with General Kenobi.

Rex huffs, thinking hard.

“Something on your mind, Captain?”

He startles. Rex didn’t realize General Kenobi was in the room.

“Nothing serious. Just a trooper who keeps getting into trouble.”

General Kenobi smiles, “Puns?”

Rex blinks, “Yes sir.”

“He does that.”

“He’s quite entertaining.”

Rex nearly startles again, having gotten used to the silence.

“That’s one word for it,” Rex blurts.

General Kenobi just chuckles.

“Knocked Bossk right out with his rifle,” Ahsoka pipes up on the way in the door.

Kenobi frowns, “He shot the bounty hunter?”

“No, Master. He swung the rifle at him so hard it snapped the rifle in twain.”

“’In twain’, Ahsoka?”

“It’s true,” Captain Rex says, focused, “’In twain.’ Saved my life.”

Kenobi gives him a knowing look.

“And it was entertaining,” General Kenobi prompts.

Captain Rex sighs, “Yeah, it was.”

“What are we talking about?” Skyguy asks on his way in the door.

Ahsoka pops a piece of a ration bar in her mouth, “How entertaining one of Master Obi-Wan’s men is.”

Skyguy frowns, and then understanding dawns on his face, “Oh that weird one? With the rifle?”

Ahsoka nods, “Yeah, you know him?”

Master Obi-Wan chuckles from the other side of the room. Skyguy glares at him.

“Sort of. I nearly bowled him over on Kamino.”

Rex frowns, “He was with Cody and me on Kamino.”

Master Obi-Wan is still chuckling from his spot on the other side of the room, “And he was with me on Kamino.”

Ahsoka frowns, apparently, she’s been missing out.

Skyguy shakes his head in disbelief, “What is going on with this guy, he’s everywhere.”

Rex snorts, “No, he _gets lost_ everywhere.”

Skyguy heaves a strangely defeated sigh. Master Obi-Wan guffaws from across the room.

Asajj lounges, upset yet thoughtful.

The battle was for show, nothing more.

Yet, she can’t help but think about that damned clone with the rifle. He’s just a clone. She’s killed dozens, if not hundreds.

But this one… he’s… an idiot.

A very entertaining idiot.

**Author's Note:**

> This is fun. One more part to go before I start random stories. They might develope plot. I have this idea that Puns could accidentally save the galaxy because nobody could ever predict him, least of all himself. And he stumbles his way into preventing all the bad things. By accident. And Palpatine screams in silence.
> 
> Also, check out this tiktok I found. It's Puns in a nutshell.
> 
> https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJV74qmn/


End file.
